Impatient
by Schemer Skye
Summary: Ever since the possibility of the war had first started, Hiyori had always had that last thought in her head. In truth, she no longer saw it as a thought. It was a fact. Everything within her being was telling her this would be her last battle. By what means and by who's sword, she didn't have a clue. But before she goes there is one thing she has to do.


There was no sound outside, the crickets silenced and even the wind didn't blow. It was as if even nature was holding its breath in anticipation for the war. Hiyori could understand that feeling all too well. She had been dreading this war for around a century.

The Vizards had known it was only a matter of time before Aizen revealed what a two-faced bastard he truly was. They had been right and even though it was such a long time for others since this whole mess began, Hiyori felt as if time had passed too quickly. Not that she'd ever admit it, the War terrified her. It was a feeling of darkness that passed over her soul and made her stomach tighten painfully.

Hiyori didn't know if it was intuition, foresight, her Hollow, or paranoia that made these doubting thoughts plague her mind. They whispered and taunted at the back of her mind, like snakes slithering in and out of her consciousness.

_I'm the weakest link. I can't face up against Aizen, even with Hollow and Soul Reaper Powers. I__ can't __do this._

The worst one she felt was a truth: _I'm not going to survive this battle._

Ever since the possibility of the war had first started, Hiyori had always had that last thought in her head. In truth, she no longer saw it as a thought. It was a fact. Everything within her being was telling her this would be her last battle. By what means and by who's sword, she didn't have a clue. In her morbid fantasies she sometimes came up with different scenarios for her death. Decapitation, stab through the heart, stab in the back, set on fire with kido( now _that_ was an interesting dream).

As the days had drawn nearer to the Winter War, Hiyori, whenever she was alone in her room, would reflect on her life. Her life _sucked _is what she discovered_._ She had dedicated majority of it towards being a Soul Reaper and look what happened with _that._ Assholes. All that hard work for nothing. How many things had she missed out on? Sure, she didn't age normally like a human but at this point even she should've passed some natural milestones. Hiyori didn't like how she had missed out on so much.

Hiyori was determined to pass at least one of those milestones( no matter how horribly embarrassing it was going to be) tonight. It was a simple thing she wanted, really.

She stepped lightly down the hallway, repressing her spiritual pressure to the point that it was almost painful. If someone caught her they'd never let her live it down and she'd never have this chance again.

As Hiyori approached her destination, she paused. Was this really how she wanted it to happen? No, not really but what choice did she have? Her gravestone was already marked and waiting. And if things went right he'd never know. She rested her hand on the doorknob and noticed it was trembling.

What the fuck was wrong with her? She was _Hiyori Sarugaki_! Nothing scared her! This would be just like a battle. You go in, get cut up a little, and leave victorious. So, why was she acting like a fucking coward?!

Nothing scared Hiyori Sarugaki. _Nothing. _She repeated that mantra in her head as she slowly turned the knob, each squeak making her skin crawl. _Don't wake up, don't wake up_, she pleaded inside her head.

Hiyori shuffled nervously into the dark room, the only illumination coming from the light of the moon filtered through the small window. She kept the door open, making it easier for her to have an easy escape route.

She tiptoed forward, hands clenched into shaking fists at her sides, worrying her lower lip between her teeth. Hiyori stopped when the front of her nightshirt brushed the mattress. In the darkness she could faintly make out the plains of his face and dark gold hair looking ridiculously straight and perfect. Thank the deities he was sleeping on his back. She didn't know what she would've done if he were sleeping on his side or back. That would've been pretty awkward.

Well, this was gonna be awkward for her no matter how she did this. Damn Shinji, why did he have this effect on her? She could admit that when she was a lieutenant she had a _very_ small, microscopic crush on him. Hiyori had steadfastly ignored it over the years, beating it down with as much fierceness as she beat Shinji himself. Somewhere down the line that small little crush had bloomed discreetly behind her back, invoking an emotion in her that she was too scared to give a name to.

Hiyori leaned forward placing one hand flat on the other side of the pillow, hovering over the sleeping Shinji. The ends of his hair tickled her fingertips. Tilting her head downward, his breath fanned on her face. Her heart was beating so fast and hard that she was worried he might hear it. Hiyori could feel her face light up with a bright red blush. _Don't wake up, don't wake up._

She tilted her head to the side before their noses could brush, their lips centimeters a part. She gripped the pillowcase tightly with her hand. Just one kiss. Her first kiss. That was a all she wanted.

_A kiss to remember…_

But, was this really how she wanted it? A kiss before death to a guy who wouldn't even remember…..or care.

Hiyori couldn't do it. She pulled away, straightening up her body. She wouldn't torture herself like this. How stupid was she acting? She should be focusing on the Winter War! Not trying to kiss dumbass Baldy while he was asleep!

Besides, no matter how much she wished and wanted for this, to kiss Shinji, she had never envisioned that this was how it would happen. She wanted him to love her like she loved him. It was stupid and girly and she just wished all these confusing emotions would go away! The way she got jealous when he flirted with his 'first loves', angry when he treated her like a kid, and sad when he said she wasn't pretty. Stupid baldy Shinji, making her feel things she didn't want to feel!

Hiyori noticed, angrily, as she turned away, that her eyes were starting to fill up with tears. She blinked them away hastily but more just kept on coming. She presses the palm of her left hand into one closed eye, hoping the added pressure would make it stop. Fuckin' girly emotions. Making her cry and shit.

Hiyori turned to tiptoe away, rebellious tears still escaping. She took two steps forward when she suddenly felt a viselike grip encircle her wrist and yank her down onto the bed.

_Oh no. No, no, no! This can't be happening._

Hiyori was lying on her back, Shinji hovering over her, who whined," Why are you leaving? This was getting really interesting."

One of his legs was draped on top of hers, effectively restricting her from moving away. Damn him. Damn him to fucking _hell! _

"Interesting?" she seethed, pulling back her fist to punch his stupid face," I'll show you interesting Baldy!"

Her fist never reached his face, as Shinji easily caught it with his free hand and pinned the hand down by her head. Hiyori's face turned an interesting shade of stoplight red as she realized what kind of position they were in. She started twisting and wriggled in his arms, trying to knee him in the stomach but thanks to her damn short legs she couldn't bring her knee high enough.

"Let me go," she snapped venomously. Yes, please let her go so she can kill him, bury the body in the middle of the desert, and forget this whole embarrassing experience ever happened.

"No, I don't think I will."

_I hope you rot in hell you son of a-_

"At least, I won't let you go until you tell me what's wrong," he continued lightly, tightening his grip on her wrists. His eyes bore into hers and she felt her mouth go dry and her heart beat speed up. For a second, she _almost _told him.

"Th-there's nothing wrong, dumbass," Hiyori lied. She didn't want him pitying her. Her fears and insecurities were hers to deal with. She had always dealt and fought with them alone. Her belief that she was going to die in the Winter War, well, that wasn't any of his business and besides, she didn't want anyone to worry about her or decide that she shouldn't fight. And she really, _really_ wanted to kick Aizen's (and his army's) fucking ass.

"You're a really bad liar, midget," he commented, shaking his head slightly.

"Am not!"

"Are too."

"Am not," she hissed back belligerently. This was ridiculous. Shinji had her pinned down on a bed after she caught him almost kissing her and now they were having an argument over her really bad lying. She knew she was bad at it, but like hell would she ever admit to it!

Although, she had to admit, fighting with Shinji had forced her embarrassment over the whole situation towards the back of her mind. That was the key to their relationship, and one of the reasons she fell in love with him. No matter the situation they would always be there to drag the other out of their funk with just a few insults. It wasn't what most girls would look for in a guy, but Hiyori wasn't like other girls. She _loved_ arguments and then she _loved_ arguing _with _Shinjiand now she was in love with _him. _It probably wouldn't make sense to anyone else, but to her it was perfect. Except for the part where he treated her slightly like a little sister. That she could do without.

She felt him shift on top of her and she glared at him full force, except it was tempered by the fact she was blushing like crazy.

"Do you want me to tell you why I think you're in my room?" Shinji asked smirking mischievously with his eyes becoming half-lidded and damnit she could no longer form coherent thought in her head. Hiyori just laid there gaping at him, a flutter of nervous excitement in her stomach.

"I think you're delusional," he told her bluntly, making her heart thud to a stop," and in general being an idiot for thinking whatever it is that's bothering you about the War."

How did he know that? Contrary to belief, Hiyori did know that he was extremely smart behind the whole carefree persona, but even Shinji shouldn't be able to know that much.

"Right now you're probably wondering how I know all this, and Hiyori, you may not notice but you carry your heart on your sleeve. All anyone has to do is look in your eyes and see whatever's going on in that monkey brain of your's."

She snapped out of her daze to snarl up at him," I ain't no damn monkey, Baldy!"

"Is that the only thing you heard me say?"

"All the other stuff you were blabbing about isn't true," Hiyori replied angrily, deciding to deny until the end," I only came into your room to see if you looked just as dumb asleep as you do awake. And I was right!"

It was a lame excuse, probably the worst thing she had ever come up with but it was better than nothing.

"I'm being serious here, Hiyori," Shinji said, " if there's anything that's wrong all you have to do is tell me."

Hiyori nipped at her lower lip as she thought this over. When Shinji says he's being serious it usually meant business. Should she tell him? Not about her being in love with him, obviously, but about her idea of what the Winter War will have in store for her.

"You won't make fun of me?" she whispered, looking up at him worriedly.

" Don't worry, midget, I won't make fun of you."

He could've done without the midget part of that sentence, Hiyori thought sourly. But, she knew by the look in Shinji's eyes that he was worried about her and wanted to help.

She huffed," Fine, but you have to let me up. Your fatass is crushing me."

Hiyori really wanted him off of her because having his body pressed up against hers was distracting and made her want to melt into it. She knew that with him this close all she would have to do it tilt her head up a little and she would have the kiss she'd come in here for.

He ignored her barb about his weight and released his hold on her wrists, untangling his leg from hers. Hiyori wrapped her arms around herself trying to ignore how she was missing the warmth his body had gave off and how she'd felt safe and secure in his arms. As if she belonged there. Damn hormones.

Shinji moved to sit towards the end of the bed, while she righted herself at the head, her back resting along the headboard. Hiyori made it a point to look everywhere except into his eyes. She struggled to form the words to describe what was going on in her head.

"W-well you see-actually I-," she tried starting but to no avail.

Abruptly, her chin was jerked upwards and Shinji forced her to meet his eyes.

"It's all right," was all he said and as she looked into his eyes Hiyori felt her her heart skip a beat for a full thirty seconds. Before she knew it all of her fears and doubts came pouring out in a mad rush. The whole time she was talking her eyes never left his and someway or another as she spilled it out everything it all seemed to get a little better. Not once did Shinji interrupt or tell her that all of it was stupid or say that if she was so worried then she shouldn't fight. He just listened.

When Hiyori was done, she looked down at her hands which were clasped tightly in her lap, the knuckles white and she could feel her blunt nails digging fiercely into her palms. When he didn't say anything after a minute, she looked up through her bangs," You think I'm being stupid, don't ya?"

One again, she felt him lift her head up and he answered," Yes-"

Hiyori didn't know whether she wanted to murder him or run back to her room and cry her eyes out.

"-but only because you're not seeing yourself clearly."

_What? _What the hell was that supposed to mean?

"Shinji," she managed to growl out," if you're messin' with me I will-"

"Would you shut up for two seconds so I can talk?" he snapped back.

"Fine," she huffed, agreeing since he had patiently listened to her. Even if at the end of it he was being a complete jacka-

"Hiyori, you are a strong, capable warrior who could probably defeat hundreds of hollows with one hand tied behind your back. You never back down from a fight and rush into almost all fearlessly, no matter the odds, so why should this be any different? It seems like you're being a little impatient to meet your death," Shinji finished calmly.

"We're going up against _Aizen!_ How am I supposed to _not _be scared shitless? He's one of the most underhanded, cruel, crafty, and manipulative son-of-a-bitches in probably the entire universe. I know you remember what he did to us last time.," she ranted," Not to mention he has an army this time! A whole _fucking army_!"

"Also, I am not impatient about anything. Especially death."

"Hi-yor-I," he drawled out," your one of the most impatient person I have ever met. I bet at your funeral you'll be banging on the casket door yelling that we are taking to damn long to pay respects."

"I would not."

"Would, too."

"Would not!"

"Would too!"

"Ugh," she groaned, flopping down on her side and turning her face into the pillow," you are such a pain in the ass."

"If I'm such a pain in the ass why did you try and kiss me earlier?" he countered and Hiyori's entire body tensed up and she sat up again looking towards the door wondering how far away she could get before Shinji caught her. Probably two inches. Longer legs really did give him a major advantage.

She curled up and sniffed," I did not."

"Hiyori," he warned," I'll find out one way or another."

Hiyori could never remember feeling this embarrassed in her entire life. She didn't want Shinji to know she loved him because she knew he didn't feel the same. Who would want to be tied to romantically a permanent thirteen year old? She had seen the types of girls his first loves were and she was definitely not like them. They were beautiful and statuesque while she was vertically challenged with a snaggletooth. And those were just the beginnings of the reasons why he wouldn't like her that way much less love her!

There had to be a way out of this, Hiyori thought frantically, panicking when Shinji leant forward suddenly," You wanna know what I think?"

"No one wants to hear what you think," she shot back meekly, too freaked out to put much bite into her words. He had bent in really close, almost as close as when he had her pinned down earlier. In the darkness his deep brown eyes were darkened to an almost black but Hiyori could see shades of amber and chocolate reflecting faintly in the minimal light.

"Then why won't you tell me why you were leaning over me, _Hiyori?" _his voice had gone low and husky, and she could feel the butterflies in her stomach fluttering insistently.

She couldn't speak, couldn't breathe. All she could see was his eyes, drowning in their depths. Why was he doing this to her? Did he enjoy tormenting her this much? And since when did he start having this effect on her?

Abruptly he leaned forward until their noses were almost touching," C'mon speak up. Usually no one can shut you up. Now tell me what you were doing."

Hiyori couldn't take this, her senses were going into a frenzy. His smell, the slightest brush of their knees, and his voice were suddenly intensive by about nine thousand. It was enough to drive her mad. She cleared her throat and said chokingly," I may have tried to kiss you, but so what? The choices for a kiss in this place are Love, Kensei, Rose, and you. Lisa and Mashiro would kill me if I touched their men and Love is like my older brother."

She didn't bother to include Hachi because he was the grandfather figure in the household and that would just be creepy. Shinji suddenly grinned," You don't see me as a brother?"

"Uh…"

This was dangerous territory. Really bad. To admit that would also lead to the discovery that she had had the biggest crush on him since before she was a lieutenant. He did not need to know that because then she'd never hear the end of it.

He grabbed the front of her shirt, dragged her forward a few more centimeters, his breath ghosting across her skin as he said," That's good, or else this would be really weird."

"Sh-shinji what are you tal-"

All forms of communication and thought process ended as his lips ghosted over hers, so softly she almost didn't feel them. When she didn't make any move to hit him or run away he deepened the kiss, molding his lips to hers. Hiyori could only keep her eyes open in shock, the feelings of him kissing her making her lose all sense of reality. Was this all real or was she dreaming? It couldn't be a dream because in all her dreams of kissing Shinji they had never amounted to _this._

Hesitantly, not really sure what to do, Hiyori slowly closed her eyes and softened her lips to kiss him back. She wrapped her arms around his neck trailing her fingertips lightly across the skin before gripping tightly onto his hair. She had yanked at this hair a hundred times before but never had she realized how silky and smooth it was reveling in the feel of it gliding through her hands. Shinji groaned into the kiss and swiped his tongue along her bottom lip, asking for entry.

Immediately Hiyori's eyes popped open and clamped her lips tight. She didn't know how to kiss _that way._ She would be horrible at it and Shinji would never kiss her like this again. He pressed his tongue against the seam of her lips but she didn't budge so he pulled away slightly.

_Don't pull away, jackass. Kiss me again._

"Open up, midget," he murmured against her lips before capturing them again, pressing his tongue a little more forcefully. She parted her lips slightly and he dove in. Hiyori felt warmth spread throughout her body and instinct took over. She shuffled and wrapped her legs around Shinji's hips pressing her self against him.

Shinji's hands began wandering, sliding down her body and lifting up her shirt slightly and laying his hands flat on her stomach. Hiyori felt her skin burst into flame at the touch. She began copying Shinji's kissing, running her tongue over the roof of his mouth and the edge of his mouth. He especially liked when she would play with his tongue ring. Hiyori let her own hands explore, running them down his chest and enjoying the feel of tight muscles under his shirt.

That shirt had to go. She curled the ends of the offending cloth and lifted it up halfway on his chest….

Shinji stopped kissing her and snatched her hands away, the shirt falling back down.

"Always so impatient," is all he said, breaths coming in heavy pants.

Hiyori barely heard him, eyes still clouded with lust. She slowly came down from cloud nine and began thinking. Why had he stopped? Did he not really like her and was just teasing? Or was she just that unattractive?

Apparently her thought were (once again) written on her face because Shinji leant forward and brushed his lips against hers to stop them.

"Don't think about it too much, midget. We should probably get back to sleep."

Stung, Hiyori turned to get up. Her eyes were once again burning with tears. Best kiss she would probably ever have and Shinji rejects her and kicks her out. Jackass. Tomorrow, after bawling her eyes out, she was going to fucking kill him. She didn't care if there were witnesses or not. He would be going _down._

His hand snatched the back of her shirt and dragged her back onto the bed," Where do you think you're going?"

"To my room, dumbass," she spat, looking forward. Eye on the door.

She heard him huff before long arms wrapped themselves around her waist and before she knew it he had her lying down on her side staring at him.

" No, idiot, you're staying in here tonight."

"Why?" was all she asked.

His hand reached up and brushed her fringe out of her eyes trailing a finger down her cheek, along the hollow of her throat, stopping at the dip of her collarbone. She trembled and leant into the touch, forgetting instantly what she was mad about. Her eyes became half lidded and she fought to keep a sigh of contentment from escaping.

"Do I really have to say it, Hiyori?", Shinji questioned quietly as his eyes bore into hers.

That's when she knew. He loved her. Shinji Hirako love _her._ Hiyori Sarugaki.

"Since when?" she breathed out, still lost in her own little world that had the words,_ He loves me_, floating around on banners carried by songbirds.

"After we were Hollowfied, if you must know."

Okay, so he hadn't liked her as long as she like him but, _who the fuck cared?!_ Shinji was hers now and come heaven or hell no one was taking him from her. Not really thinking about it, she snuggled into his chest, breathing in his scent. That's when a thought occurred to her.

"Did you know that I liked you before now?"

"I had an idea," he answered truthfully," but I didn't know for sure until tonight."

"M'kay," she murmured, her eyes drooping tiredly. Their _physical_ activity earlier had worn her out more than she realized. She felt his lips press down on the top of her head.

"Good night, midget."

"G'night, baldy."

Hiyori allowed her eyes to closed, falling asleep almost instantly.

/

A couple hours after Hiyori fell asleep, Shinji was still up. He was transfixed by the rare sight of a sleeping Hiyori. Her face had softened out of its usual scowl and with her hair down she almost looked like a child instead of an evil demon.

He pulled her close and thought. Hiyori really was an amazing fighter and even he had difficulty defeating her while sparring in shikai. But she was also insecure and easily provoked. Not good traits for someone going up against Aizen. That rat bastard was a damn bloodhound for finding weaknesses and tearing into them.

He just had to hope that his little monkey would just stay calm and not be impatient or rash while battling Aizen.

/

**Author's Notes:** Aaaand that's all folks! I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I had writing it. I tried to keep them in character, but I don't know if I succeeded or not. If anyone is confused, this is set about a week before the Winter War.

Holy shit this is ten pages long!( 12 point font)


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